Diary of Sr. Teresing, Mediatrix Visionary

Visionary of Our Lady Mediatrix of All Grace
eastwind journals
By Bernie V. Lopez, eastwindreplyctr@gmail.com
I am sharing this document because it is such an inspiration on how to become intimate with Our Lady, how to handle suffering, and how to deal with threats from the devil. Sister Teresita Castillo, fondly called Sister Teresing, writes with simplicity from her heart. It is a good ‘Marian Primer’.


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The blog version are excerpts, shortened for easy reading, in 3 parts –
Part 1. Background.
Part 2. Early Days at Carmel.
Part 3. Courage Versus Fear.
Part 4. Entire Diary without annotation
(Incomplete, still being digitized, link at the end).


The diary will be part of an upcoming book entitled Fatima in the Third Millennium – Mediatrix as the New Fatima. by the same author. The diary is not a secret. It has appeared in other books but mostly with little or no annotation.


Part 1. Background
Part 2. After Part 1.


This diary is precious because it is the only existing first-hand evidence of the apparitions of Our Lady Mediatrix of All Grace, a name Our Lady told Sr. Teresing  to be her title. The Blessed Virgin appeared to her and talked intimately to her, proclaiming her Marian messages to the world.


The first earlier diary of Sr. Teresing was destroyed together with other evidences, such as devotional materials, statues, and hundreds of precious miraculous rose petals bearing religious images, by order of the Vatican’s Confederation of the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF) through then Papal Nuncio Archbishop Edigio Vagnozzi. Her testimony based on this diary is a powerful message from Our Lady to Mankind, yet it has been consistently suppressed by the CDF.


Vagnozzi also suppressed the entire Filipino clergy into silence, threatening to alienate those who supported the Mediatrix devotion, with no future promotions in rank, and exile to remote dioceses. Three Lipa Bishops loyal to the Mediatrix were exiled into silence and oblivion – Alfredo Obviar, Alfredo Versoza, Ramon Arguelles. Ironically, Bishop Obviar is being groomed today by the Vatican for beatification. To this day, that forced silence is in place in spite of CBCP clarifications. Only a few brave prelates will speak out at risk of alienation. Finally, Vagnozzi manipulated the results of the first investigation by coercing ed eight Filipino Bishops in the investigation committee to sign the results denying the authenticity of the Mediatrix, or else …. When one Bishop on his death bed recanted his signature, the rest followed.


The destruction of the original diary of Sister Teresing and other evidences was a pre-emptive move to derail authentic investigation of the apparitions. How can you investigate when you have destroyed the evidence? This is the work of the devil, using prelates as agents without them knowing it. After World War II, a deluge of purported apparitions overwhelmed the CDF.  There was a tendency to dismiss or suppress many of the claims. The Mediatrix apparition was one of them. I am sharing the diary with the world so that it will not be again destroyed. Once in cyberspace, it is forever and immortal.


The devil was in panic that Marian evangelization would spread across Asia through the Philippines. The devil would succeed in suppressing the Philippine clergy into silence under Vatican threat of alienation, but not the Philippine laity, the ordinary people. With the debacle of the Filipino clergy, the laity took over the task of Marian evangelization. That is why Filipinos, with their resilient irrepressible devotion, are the ‘favorite’ of Our Lady and Our Lord. The Mediatrix Movement continues to spread today through the laity. The Book of Genesis prophecies that her Son will crush the head of the serpent.


In truth, the Mediatrix is a continuation of Fatima. They have common messages. The target of the Marian shift from Portugal to the Philippines is the consecration of China, the largest economy in the world, the emerging new superpower, to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, hopefully opening Christianity to the Chinese people. There is today the splinter of two Churches in China, the Patriotic Church which believes in ties between the government and the Vatican, and the Underground Church, target of government suppression, which believes in Church independence from government. Bernie V. Lopez, eastwindreplyctr@gmail.com
Part 2. First Days at Carmel

Cover of upcoming book linking Fatima to Mediatrix

Sr. Teresing joined the Carmelite nuns as a postulant in its Lipa City convent in July 1948. Nine days after entering the convent, the devil, who knew her important role in the evangelization of Asia, and the role of the Philippines in spreading Marian devotion to its neighboring countries, started tormenting and torturing her.


Author’s Annotation
“Author’s Annotation”, in Italics, refers to the author’s personal comments, which are subjective and open to dialogue.
The diary was typewritten personally by Sr. Teresing, after 42 years of complete silence” that the Papal Nuncio reportedly ordered. In the diary, Sr. Teresing apologized that she could miss details from memory. She also cited that Our Lady told her not to tell ‘certain messages’. Excerpts from the diary shown below is based on camera shots by the author of the photo-copy of the original type-written document given personally by Sr. Teresing to her nephew, Dr. Roberto Magsino. No editing was done on the original manuscript, as type-written by Sr. Teresing, except obvious misspelling, punctuation, or grammar errors, marked as bold.
To Jesus through Mary


In loving obedience to the zealous lovers of Mama Mary, whose love for her is beyond doubt and whose spiritual goal is to spread the repeated request of Mam Mary throughout the world, I will try my very best to write down the most I could write down after 42 years of complete silence. So, before I start, I highly beg for your understanding and trust in me. I do not ask you to believe my little story; just reading it is sure more than I deserve.


In July 4, 1948, on my 21st birthday, I left home at 4 a.m. to escape from our house to enter the Carmelite Order in Lipa City. Bishop Obviar’s jeep was to pick me up at the back of the ruined municipal building of Tanauan, Batangas (my home town). It was not easy for me to leave my good parents behind.


My family started to look for me in Carmel. And finding me there, my brothers would like to get me out of the convent to bring me back to our parents. My eldest brother, through the grille pointed his gun at me to shoot me. He told me that he preferred to see me dead rather than be a Carmelite. I was told by Mother Prioress to rest early because of the tensions I went through. So, I slept early only to be awakened by my brother’s voice, shouting and calling my name to go back to my parents. Mother Prioress ran to our cell. I begged her not to give me back to any members of my family.  Seeing that his shouts were of no avail, my brother turned his fury on the massive doors and started pounding on them with violence.


Author’s Annotation
Obviously, the brother never meant to kill his sister. It was merely to force her to obey him. That psyche-war never worked.


Diary text continued


July 13, 1948


My first encounter occurred during the Great Silence which means that nobody may talk with anyone except for emergency reasons. I was in our cell praying hard for my family when I heard three knocks. I did not see anyone come in. After a little while, I heard a man’s voice, very rough and guttural in nature as though coming from a deep, hollow container. He gave me a vivid picture of how my family was. He said that my father, who was at that time the presiding judge of the Court of Industrial Relations, could not study his legal cases. I was told that (and this was confirmed by others) that after each meal he would leave two spoonful of rice for me. He used to stand by the window waiting for my return. This was indeed a very touching attitude of my poor father. I suddenly felt homesick, so much so that I was on the verge of crying. Then I heard the voice again telling me that he will leave signs of his presence in our cell. With shaking knees and trembling hands, I somehow managed to grope for our little lamp and sure enough there were two black footprints and their shape were so different from that of a human being. His foul odor was enough proof to conclude that he was an evil spirit.


My reaction-


I was shocked and couldn’t move an inch.  I was trembling. I did not know what to do. I thought I was praying, but was not. I thought I was thinking, but I was not. One thing I realized, I have my rosary in my hand. I ran to Mother Prioress crying, trembling and upon reaching Mother’s Office, my knees gave way. Having heard my story, Mother brought me back to our cell, and told me to say the Rosary over and over again. I did what I was told and slept.


Author’s Annotation
The devil somehow knew full well beforehand the important future messages of Our Lady to the world. The devil was in fact in total panic because Our Lady Mediatrix of All Grace, who appeared to Sr. Teresing in Lipa City, Philippines, would be the jumping point for the evangelization in Asia and China under the Church’s Third Millennium thrust. The First Millennium (birth of Christ to 1000 AD) was dedicated to the evangelization of the Old World, and the Second Millennium (1000 to 2000 AD) of the New World, and the Third Millennium (2000 to 3000 AD) of Asia. The devil tried hard but failed to prevent the Marian visions, apparitions and messages by instilling terror and fear on the visionary. When all failed, the devil turned to prelates up to the high places within the Church to do his work for him in preventing the devotion to Our Lady Medatrix of All Grace. But he failed and is still failing to suppress the devotion of the Filipino faithful, although he succeeded in suppressing the Philippine clergy.
Diary text continued
August 1 –


The same voice came back to me at around 3:00 a.m. He kept repeating the same thing to me. I heard many footsteps running down below our cell. Mother Prioress gave me a crucifix and a small bottle of holy water and gave me instructions as regards to the use of the holy water and crucifix.


My reaction –


My mind was distracted from what just happened by thinking that my father, who was a very influential politician, could easily arrange for me to be kidnapped. My thoughts were focused on two things: Was this a trick of my family to get me out or was it really the devil tormenting me? But then, why pick on me if it was the latter?


The following days were peaceful and I asked my Guardian Angel to please take care of me. I kept myself busy by studying the rules of Carmel.
Part 3. Fear versus Courage

August 7 –


It was a Saturday when I smelt a very sweet fragrance like that of white lilies while I was on my to our cell. I thought perhaps a close relative of mine (an old belief) died or something like that. When I reached our cell, I immediately heard a very sweet voice, a voice beyond description which said “My daughter, suffering will always be with you until the end of your life”. I did not see anyone, and the words came as a shock to me. I was stunned, speechless and motionless, but not so afraid. I asked myself whose voice was that. It was very different from the previous one.
August 11 –


At around 3:00 a.m. I was awakened by the shaking of my bed which lasted about one minute or so. Then I heard the usual hoarse voice. He told me that I had an obligation to my parents – to take pity on them, and if they die of loneliness, I would have to answer for that. He also told me that I was wrong in loving and respecting the Bishop and Mother Cecilia. Soon after this, there he was before my eyes. I was terrified with an unbearable sense of fear. He was terribly ugly. He hit me and the marks seen by Mother Prioress. She then embraced me for the first time, I was crying. She put my head on her shoulder patted my back and that was the time I really missed my parents. Mother Cecilia comforted me and


I saw tears in her eyes. If you would like to know what the devil look like, I will try my best to describe him to you. He was around 5 ft. tall. He was surrounded by fire, which was only about an inch wide. His eyes were bloodshot. Those glaring eyes could not look at me, but looked to the left side of our cell. His face seemed oblong in shape and his voice was the same before.


His foul odor convinced me that he was something totally evil. I was almost ready to give up my vocation, when suddenly I began to think that if I did so, the devil would be the winner and I, the loser.


My reaction –


I was scared but my fear did not last long, Suddenly, I changed my mind. With God’s grace, I was determined to win the battle. He disappeared after being sprinkled by me with holy water as I have been told to do by Mother Prioress.
August 18 –


The fragrance of lilies was all over the place. When I reached our cell, a beautiful Lady was inside. She was dressed in white, immaculately clean and her hair was long. The most beautiful part of her was her eyes. Then she spoke: “Be not afraid. My Son has sent me to bring you a message”. She told me that the trials I went through made her sad. I was consoled. She was really a Mother. I could hardly believe or imagine that she was there sitting on my bed! She said that the enemy was jealous of Mother Prioress, but Mama Mary encouraged me to love and trust our Mother Prioress. I was also told to wash Mother’s feet then drink the water I used. When I told Mother about this, she was embarrassed and thought it might be some kind of trick. I was told that two holy pictures would be given to Mother Prioress. When I saw the pictures, I immediately recognized that they were mine. They were given to me by a close friend of mine way back in 1948. Mama Mary is really a very human and a down to earth Mother. I was told to analyze the lesson the two pictures gave or taught us. I couldn’t see the lessons they gave us till the following morning during our meditation. I was almost sure that the lesson was about simplicity, detachment and obedience.
August 19 –


The sign that Mother Prioress was waiting for were at last manifested in my eyes. One single drop of blood in my eye was enough for Mother Prioress to give in to the washing of her feet. During those days, all Carmelites were barefooted and anyone can guess the kind of water to drink. For every gulp I took my stomach revolted. But there is nothing impossible when it comes to the love we have for Mama Mary. On the part of Mother Prioress, I saw that she was embarrassed, but I was sure she offered that to Mama Mary. Right after our meal, I ran to the CR and threw up all the water I drank.


Mama Mary told me that whatever I find in our cell, I should submit it to Mother Prioress. We did the washing of the feet at three o’clock in the afternoon. At 8:30 that evening, I was praying in our cell when I thought that a man came in. Thinking that she was Mother Prioress, I immediately knelt before her. Then I heard our Lady’s voice which said: “Your Mother Prioress made a wise decision. Now that you showed your simplicity and your Mother’s humility, I can now proceed, both of you will always remain under my mantle.” Then she gave me some instructions with regards to great temptations.


Author’s Annotation
A period of trials, suffering, and temptations often precede the reward of apparition and intimacy. This is a form of cleansing and sanctification, a preparation to visions.


Diary text continued


I am not sure of the date when the beautiful Lady told me about a kind suffering she wanted me to bear. Then we talked about conversion, simplicity, humility, generosity and cooperation of all those who will understand the true meaning of penance and sacrifice. She said that if the world would continue the way it was heading during those days, she would suffer most because she was a witness to the sufferings of her own Son.


In Carmel, the Sisters are periodically called one by one by the Prioress to ask how the Sisters are, whether they have problems, complaints, etc. When my turn came, I asked her only one question: “Mother, why was I chosen by the devil to be tormented and why was I chosen by Mama Mary to be the instrument to spread her message? I am far from being good because I am an obstinate child, stubborn and have a will of my own. I was a spoiled child, being the youngest in the family. She told me that God has His own way of converting people. Mother Prioress explained the meaning of simplicity very well to me. She gave me some examples easy enough to do as a new postulant.
August 20 –


This was somewhat a Red Letter Day for me. I was in our cell, fixing our bed, when I heard a sound similar to that of a bird flapping its wings. When I looked up, I noticed a strong, sweet smell and I saw petals falling from nowhere because there was no hole in the ceiling. When the petals reached the floor, they formed into cross, so I said to myself: “O my Jesus, what is happening to me now?” I did not run this time, but simply walked towards the door of Mother’s office. I requested her to go to our cell to see the petals. She had asked me where I got those petals. I told her I did not get them but only saw them falling from above. It was really a mystery to both of us. Mother Prioress gathered the petals and brought them with her.
My reaction-


It remained a mystery to me, but fear did not creep into my soul. I felt somehow that I was heading towards some consolations. I was not scared; on the contrary I was happy because there was nothing ugly and unbecoming in what I saw. The sweet fragrance, if I may say so, made me feel that heaven was so near Lipa Carmel. I remembered what Mama Mary told me about being simple, so I just trusted and believed in Mama Mary’s Love and care. I felt I was just a child who received a grand gift from a loving mother. Mama Mary henceforth became the essence of my life. She made me feel loved!


I asked Mother Prioress why everything inside the cell disappeared when the beautiful Lady appeared. “If the Lady appeared with glow, everything in your cell will disappear due to light that surrounded her.” was Mother’s answer to me. 
I cannot remember the date when suddenly I was being pulled down the stairs and felt I had nothing on. Just as well, Mother Prioress was outside her cell and saw me. She immediately ran to me and grabbed my other hand, trying to pull me up, while someone was pulling me down. I was already feeling so weak and thought I was going to die from exhaustion. It was like a tug-o-war game. But with God’s grace, Mother Prioress made a sudden and strong pull and the next thing I remembered was the devil lost his grip and Mother won. She embraced me and brought me to her office, almost out of breath because of her asthma. Then I asked Mother whether she saw me with no habit on. I was happy when she told me that I had my habit on all the time during the struggle.


The following day, Mother Prioress brought me to the parlor to see Bishop Obviar. Still confused, I asked His Excellency to kindly explain to us what had happened. He was so kind enough to tell me that the devil can play tricks of all kinds. “He can make you feel you had nothing on, but in truth you were wearing your postulant dress.” Said the Bishop. What a relief; But then all of a sudden darkness surrounded me- I could not see anything. I was blind: Trouble started in the Community from this day on. That time, I also felt that my whole body was being pricked by pins and needles. The pain was not so bad – most especially when I learned that these sufferings were for certain priests and nuns.


I cannot explain the intense moral sufferings I had to go through during the first days of my blindness. It was agony for me just to think that perhaps my blindness would be the cause of rejections. My tears showed an intense desire to see Mama Mary.
Author’s Annotation
If you read the lives of Saints, you will realize how much they suffer for the Lord. Suffering is a form of expiation for the sins of the world and of cleansing. It is the source of spiritual strength against the greatest of odds, seemingly impossible to hurdle. Suffering is the bridge to piety, faith and instinctive wisdom which are needed by Saints to become saints. Bishop Obviar had the key role of being the counsel for both Sr. Teresing and the Mother Prioress. Doubts were resolved and hesitation neutralized, which were instruments of the devil. Together they formed a Marian triumvirate intimate with Our Lady – Sr. Teresing, Mother Cecilia, Bishop Obviar.


Diary text continued


September 1 –


I could almost detect the presence of Mama Mary in our cell. I cried. They were tears of joy. When I asked her who she was, she gave me three letters: BVM, meaning Blessed Virgin Mary. What more could I ask for after such a blessing! Who would not love Mama Mary! She was so human and her voice sounded so good. She told me that our Mother Church would lose many vocations and that was why she was appealing for prayers, penance and sacrifice. I was surprised at what I just heard, because, before entering Carmel, I was rather ignorant of what was happening around the world. My Time was rather hectic, spending three hours on the piano in the morning and another three hours in the afternoon practicing for my grand recital.


My blindness gave me a lot of time to pray more, to love more and to analyze the message of Mama Mary. I thanked God for the grace He gave me to be able to understand my situation. Hurting words were said about Mother and myself but we cannot blame them because they knew nothing about what was happening. Jealousy and envy cropped up, followed by accusations with regards to familiarity with malice and favoritism. I felt sorry for those whose peace of mind was disturbed. All these trials were part of the intense moral suffering both Mother and I had to go through. Thanks be to God, we were sustained by His Grace and all these did not dampen our faith and courage. But if left alone, we would not have survived. It was truly crucifying for Mother Prioress and myself. Our fragile hearts simply abided to what God really wants of us day by day.


Author’s Annotation
The devil maligned the reputation of Sr. Teresing, the Mother Prioress, and the entire Carmelite Congregation. They all had to suffer for Mama Mary. One needed grace from the Lord in bearing such suffering. As Padre Pio said, “If left alone, we would not have survived.”
Diary text continued


In two occasions, I thanked Mother Prioress for covering me with a blanket when the night was cold. She did this twice. She was surprised when I told her this. If it was Mama Mary, how could I refuse her anything, no matter how hard and difficult the suffering could be. ”Sufferings will be with you till the end of your life.”


There was an occasion when I kissed my crucifix and I heard a very gentle voice which said: “You will always be my little daughter, therefore suffer more for me.”


Almost every day, I suffered pricks of pain like pins and needles. I offered all this for priests and nuns. During those days we believed that priests and nuns were the representatives of Christ on earth. So, to me, they seemed to be very good and holy. The Sisters in school sometimes showed impatience but they have sufficient reasons to be. I once asked Mother Prioress why things happen this way: she told me that we all need prayers, priests and nuns alike.


On another occasion, one of the Sisters promised to bring me to the garden for a walk. After this, I was led back to our cell. I smelt a sweet fragrance again and immediately guessed that Mama Mary was in our cell. Yes, she was! Although I was blind, she told me to gather all the petals on our bed. I did.


Before she left the cell, I begged her on bended knees to please allow me to kiss her feet. Much to my surprise, she consented. I could hardly believe, but it is really very true. I felt I couldn’t do it, because it was such a big grace given to me, and I felt so unworthy. But I did it: My feeling was beyond description. I was about to kiss her other foot, but I thought to myself that kissing one was more than enough for me. I did not like to abuse her generosity. And if I kissed the other feet, I perhaps would die of joy. Some Sisters said that I was stupid because I did not grab the opportunity to kiss the other foot. Her feet bore a very sweet fragrance and her skin soft. After this, she disappeared. If anyone could explain how I felt interiorly, God bless her through Mama Mary. Heaven must be so beautiful!

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Part 4. Entire Diary
Without annotation (incomplete, still being digitized) –


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